I recently reread the Takeshi Kovacs trilogy by Richard Morgan and it has prompted me to write once more to all the persons who read my blog.
Apparently the human brain, as it speculates of things it comes up with ideas as to possabilities on the topics of speculation. As you think more on those ideas they become more easily acceptable in your mind, to the point where they are expected. For instance before I came to university all I really knew about university life was derived from the "Hollyoaks" soap opera, thus this is what I expected uni life to be Life.
In "Woken Furies" Morgan speaks of the only way to be truly prepared for a situation is to have absolutely no expectations on the subject and to merely be adaptive to any ideas that confront you. Course not being a complete psycho who has be Psychosurgically altered at an instinctual level this isn't really something I can do.
Instead I always try to expect more outcomes than is possibly rational, thus I don't get too invested in any singual theory and as such it restricts expectations. It doesn't stop me expecting things, it does however stop me being as dissapointed.
The major problem is that it isn't the world which is dissapointing, its how I react to it; by backing down, being submissive and letting things wash right past me. I retreat to imaginary worlds where imaginary characters to imaginary things and it comforts me because they are who they are regardless. My twisted mind puts my heroes through all mannar of torturous excursions, but they are always unashamed to be what they are and they relish the disaproval that it instils.
Roll on the day of recloning where I answer for my actions and all I have as a defence is "I'm sorry I didn't do anything in my life, but I was afraid.
Nonce, I was really looking forward to doing a blog and have I as just a self-indulgent rant but it turned to moping ash in my mouth. Well at least my self deprecation is constant. Having said that show me someone who is perfectly happy with everything in the world and I'll show you my beating heart...
Drug induced perfectly happy doesn't count btw. 
Read "Altered Carbon" and my reasoning will be just as murky but you will have read an awesome cyberpunk scifi novel. Yes I am a R. Morgan fanboy, so sue me
Life is still dragging me behind it's car.
Pax
Don
